I want to take a moment from the regularly scheduled program to note that finally justice has been served! Tim Hortons has awarded the disputed SUV to the 10 year old girl!
To bring the non-Canadians up to speed: Tim Hortons (affectionately known as Tim's) is a chain of coffee/donut shops that Canadians religiously attend with more frequency and devout fervor than their church. Unlike America's unhealthy obsession with pastries, in Canada coffee/donut shops are all about our unhealthy obsession with coffee (be careful America the chain and its addictive coffee are expanding into the U.S.). Tim's has an annual pagan ritual for its worshippers: "Roll Up the Rim to Win". Contrary to your first impression that it is some type of sex rite, "Roll Up the Rim to Win" is a contest where coffee drinkers can unroll the rim of their paper coffee cup and they can win anything from a free donut to an SUV.
You now have the context. Let me give you the situation. One of Tim's faithful finished his sacrament of drinking the coffee of Tim, but performed the heretical act of throwing away the coffee cup without rolling up the rim! The faithful follower was punished when a 10 year old girl (well-versed in the in the religious rites of Tim) picked the discarded cup from the garbage in order to roll up the rim. The girl had trouble rolling up the rim, so she asked her 12 year old friend to help her. The friend rolled up the rim to discover that the cup was a SUV winner!
It only goes downhill from here. In a concerted effort to demonstrate that we, Canadians, love litigation as much as Americans, the 12 year old's parents decided that they were entitled to the vehicle as it was their child who did the physical unrolling. At this point I should mention that there are unconfirmed reports that Tim's puts something in their coffee that make the Canadian population go stupid. The 12 year old's parents showed their resolve by taking the action to court. To take this religious nightmare one step further, the original Tim's faithful who consumed the product came forward, anonymously through his lawyer (for fear of being publicly stoned for not completing the rim rolling ritual), claiming that the cup and thus the SUV was rightfully his!
Tim's has finally ended the 10 year old's nightmare by officially awarding the SUV to her parents who will surely sell it or use equivalent proceeds to fortify the young girl's college fund. Now, the other parties can sue Tim's for their poor fortune. Sure, try to sue a god.
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